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When a good friend's unhappy, you want to offer them a shoulder to cry on and listen to their troubles. Later, though, you may imagine it's time for them to stop grieving over what ails them and cheer up. You do your best to be upbeat and think you help them. Your good intentions, however, won't make your friend better. Being overly positive may make them feel misunderstood and lonely. It's more constructive to validate their feelings rather than gloss over difficult emotions. These tips show you how.
Uncover emotions
Everyone heals from painful experiences in their own time. Your friend will grieve for as long as is necessary, no matter whether you think they should move on. If you suspect they are stuck in a rut, repeatedly reliving difficulties, you may be right. However, trying to steer them off troubling topics and encouraging them to be positive isn't helpful.
If your pal takes a long time to recover from a painful event, show support. Recognize the emotions you can pick out from the stories they tell. People often seem stuck like the needle of a record, replaying old problems because they don't know how to voice their feelings and find validation.
Telltale signs of quashed feelings include recounts of troubles involving resentment and anger. Resentment builds when people don't feel heard or understood. Often, emotional angst is released when someone who cares recognizes the pain hidden in the retelling of problems and gives it a voice.
Releasing pain
If you think you have uncovered emotions hidden in your friend's tales, ask if you are right. When you correctly voice their pain, repressed feelings will flow as though a floodgate's opened. Once the pain finds an outlet, there will no longer be a need to mull over hurtful memories.
You offer validation to your friend when you accept what they say. Seek emotional content rather than facts from their tales. Resentment often covers the pain beneath angry words and repetitive stories that need an outlet.
Ask if you are right about the information you uncover too. It gives your friend the chance to clarify their feelings and know they are heard. Your loving support will help them heal from old wounds and clamber out of their rut.
Research Center
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Dealing with an insecure partner can be exhausting, especially if they require constant attention and excessive reassurance. Learning to deal with your partner's insecurity effectively is the key to maintaining your relationship and preventing emotional exhaustion. Here are five ways to deal with an insecure partner.
1. Identify the Real Problem
Insecurity is often a sign of low self-esteem, but there may be other problems, fears or worries that are causing your partner to feel insecure. For example, they may have been abandoned or cheated on by previous partners and are worried that the same could happen again. Encourage your partner to talk openly so that you can work together to identify the real problem.
2. Offer Support
Ask your partner what support they need in order to feel more secure. Short-term problems, such as difficulties adapting to life changes, can cause temporary insecurity that can sometimes be resolved by offering support and reassurance. However, deep-rooted emotional problems, such as fear of rejection or abandonment, may require professional help.
3. Spend Quality Time Together
Spending quality time together is important for any relationship, but it's even more important when one partner is feeling insecure, as it reminds both partners of why they are together. Make time for your partner, even if it's just to eat a meal or watch a movie together. If you live together, try to spend some time away from your home or usual environment.
4. Create Healthy Boundaries
Reassuring and supporting an insecure partner is often draining and can take its toll on your health, so it's important to take care of your own emotional well-being and to spend some time away from your partner. You also need to remember that you can't fix your partner's issues and, sometimes, the best way to help is by taking a step back and allowing your partner to find their own solutions. Set healthy boundaries and ensure that your partner understands that you need some time for yourself.
5. Beware of Manipulation
People with deep-rooted insecurities sometimes develop unhealthy ways to deal with their feelings. This often manifests as emotional blackmail or manipulation tactics. For example, if your partner feels insecure about your friendships with other people, they may feign illness or cause an argument to prevent you from spending time with friends. Your partner may not be consciously aware that they are using emotional blackmail or other manipulative strategies, so you will need to approach the subject carefully.
Dealing with an insecure partner can be difficult, but there are ways to improve your relationship and prevent problems in the future. Identifying the real problem, offering support, spending quality time together, creating healthy boundaries and being aware of manipulation will all help to improve the long-term outlook for your relationship.
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Philosopher and Roman Statesman Marcus Tullius Cicero wrote, "Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues but the parent of all the others." Having an attitude of gratitude may seem like a cliché, but it is an important factor in enhancing your life. Consider the following reasons why you should start a thankfulness journal today.
Renewed Perspective
Your mindset is a very powerful thing. It can motivate you forward toward achieving new goals or it can keep you stagnated in past failures. Taking the time each day to write down several things that you are thankful for can give you a renewed perspective. Henri Nouwen said, "Perhaps nothing helps us make the movement from our little selves to a larger world than remembering to walk in gratitude."
Enhanced Health
According to a study published in Personality and Individual Differences and reported in Time magazine, participants were asked by researchers to rate their "levels of gratitude, physical health, and psychological health, and how it boosted their health." These participants reported positive parallels regarding how having an attitude of gratitude helped overall health and well-being. Improve your health by increasing your level of gratitude as you start writing in a thankfulness journal.
Better Sleep Patterns
Research completed by Web MD shows that the average adult needs approximately 7-9 hours of sleep to properly function the next day. Of course, some people can function well after only having 6 hours, while others need 10 hours. Various factors can impact sleeping time, like anxiety, stress over complications in life, and illnesses.
Writing in a thankfulness journal each day can become a calming activity that you could complete right before going to sleep at night. This process can remind you that in the midst of life's daily stressors, you do have some things to be thankful for. Each night, you should write down three or four new things that you are thankful for. Repeating this positive habit can be the turning point in relieving stress so you can focus on calming your mind and getting the restful sleep you need each night.
Passing the Torch
Developing this habit of daily writing in a thankfulness journal--whether you write in the morning at the start of your day or in the evening before bed--can cultivate in you a desire to pass on the torch. You can share your experiences with this new positive habit with others in your life who may need a mindset change, to improve their health, or to sleep better. Maybe your positive life changes can become the catalyst to help someone else make changes too.
Be Thankful Today
Melody Beattie said, "Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity, it can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend." Change your life today by starting a thankfulness journal to remind yourself of how much you have to be thankful for
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Is your life too full? Do you struggle to keep up with your schedule at times? If so, you're not the only one. Many people, young and older, battle to keep a grip on their bustling lifestyles and that problem can produce other problems, such as stress, depression, low self-esteem, and even physical ill-health. But you don't need a hectic schedule to lead a full and rewarding life. In fact, a simple life can often bring more joy. Here are a few tips for slowing the pace and enhancing the quality of your day-to-day life.
Prioritize and select
Try to reduce your quota of commitments, including the ones you enjoy. If you pursue several hobbies, for instance, drop one for a while, to allow more time and energy for the others. Select your social engagements with care, bypassing any you're happy to miss. Prioritize your domestic chores, too, skipping any that can wait, and do the same with other tasks. If you have social or caring commitments, such as shopping for a neighbor or visiting a relative, remember that your own well-being is as important as theirs and may need to take precedence at times. The simpler your lifestyle, the better you can control it.
Be your own boss
Stand up for your needs when feeling pressured. If your friends are planning a night out, for instance, but you'd prefer a quiet evening at home, tell them how you feel and let them go ahead without you. If they're true friends, they'll respect your feelings and suggest a more suitable arrangement for you next time. Similarly, if your employer is piling too much work on you, let them know this, explaining its effect on your well-being, so a solution can be found. As for your own demands on yourself, such as exercise or study goals, you'll need to scale those down, as well. Moderation is the name of the game here.
Make the most of the moment
Small events can often reap great rewards, so make the most of them. An hour of quality time with someone special, for instance, can be savored forever after, as can a stroll in sparkling sunshine or a piece of cheering news. By imbuing the moment, you can slow time down and bring shape and meaning to your life. When you go to bed, think back over the day's highlights. If nothing stands out, think over all the good things you've taken for granted: tasty meals, an interesting TV program, and a pleasant chat with a friend, perhaps. You'll sleep all the better for those calming reflections.
With your simplified lifestyle, you'll be freed up to enjoy every day in a relaxed and fulfilling way. You'll notice a new spring in your step, too.
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Depression is an all too common problem that affects millions of people across the US. Common treatments involve therapy and a variety of medications. However, there are some things you can do on your own to help manage this often-debilitating condition. Here are the top four things you can do at home to help yourself cope with depression:
Exercise
Exercising regularly is essential in managing anxiety, stress, and depression. Depression often manifests itself physically via reduced energy, reduced appetite, body aches, disturbed sleep, and increased pain perception. However, when you exercise, the body increases the production of dopamine (a feel-good hormone) that makes exercise very effective in managing feelings of depression.
Seek Help from People You are Close To
If you feel depressed, consider seeking help from close friends, colleagues, and family members. Usually when someone is depressed they seek isolation. It is better to seek help, because managing the condition is easier with help. While feelings of shame, exhaustion, and guilt can make it difficult to reach out, making the effort to take part in social activities and stay connected with other people will improve your mood. Remind yourself that you should not feel guilty or ashamed, because your friends and family love you regardless of what you are suffering from right now.
Manage Your Stress
Did you know that stress can worsen your depression? Stress is common, because we all have life problems every now and then. Unfortunately, these common everyday stressors can make depression even more unbearable. Try to avoid situations that cause you stress. This may require you to temporarily minimize contact with people and situations that stress you out. You should also reward yourself in some small way every time you do something difficult, so that the pleasure of the reward counteracts the harmful effects of the stress.
Make Yourself Enjoy Yourself
Life should be fun, and you have a right to enjoy yourself. Depression makes it difficult to even try to enjoy yourself, though. However, just because you are not well does not mean that your need to enjoy yourself sometimes is any less. When you are depressed, it is more important than ever to deliberately go out and do fun things, even when you feel like you won't enjoy them. It can be difficult to push yourself during your down times, but doing so can be very rewarding. You might be surprised by the results you will get in the long run.
The key is to set small goals that are easy to attain. Remember, you might not get immediate results, but patience is the key. In time, you should get positive results from doing things that you used to enjoy. You can choose to play a favorite sport, pursue a hobby, or even express yourself via music, writing, or art. Spending time outdoors, going to the ballpark, visiting a museum, or even just going shopping can all have a positive impact on the way you feel.
A Final Word
Finally, if you are experiencing extreme depression and nothing helps, consider seeking professional help. There is no shame in doing so. We all need help at some time in our lives. An experienced, educated professional can help you do the things your depression won't let you do for yourself.